Seasons of Change

As hard as it is for me to believe, I am in the second half of my service year. Going on seven months down, with only five more to go. And with that comes more seasons of change.

Like most recent college grads, my life has been a series of short terms. First, figuring out what I was going to do after graduation, then after a summer seasonal job, and soon, I'll have to figure out what to do after my service year. I can't even tell you how many times I've been asked what I was thinking of doing upon completion of the year. I heard that question within the first few months, and as time has passed the frequency of the question has increased exponentially, both from outside sources and from my own mind. "Lindsay, what in the world are you going to do with yourself after this?"

Somehow that question has always been answered. Things always fall into place. Usually, things fall into place in a way I would have never expected, but it's always an adventure to see where I will be taken next. Although I have complete faith that something will work out for me this time again, I feel more pressure to make some decisions this time than I have before.

Do I want to stay in Philadelphia or go back to Michigan? Do I want to stay in Human Resources or look into a different field? If a position is offered, will I want continue working where I currently work? If I stay in the city, where will I live? And should I bring my car to the city? These are some of the most pressing questions in my mind. I ask myself these practical questions, but I also question whether or not I'm good enough. To get an HR job away from my current agency, to handle the pressures of a regular position in my department. And as much as my boss and co-workers encourage me, I'm not sure I completely see my aptitude myself. I don't want to just make the safe and easy decision out of fear. Although I've always had issues with self-confidence, I don't feel like I've been motivated by fear in the past, but somehow this time, the promise of security is pretty tempting. I don't know, maybe that's not the same as fear of inadequacy. Maybe I deserve a little security after a tumultuous year and a half.

Well, anyway, things are still up in the air. I do know eventually things will be decided, but for now let the resume updating begin!